The Three Best Shaggy Dog Stories Ever

These three jokes pass the comedy club test for tellability, memorability and laughter… memorise, tell and bask in the warmth of others’ laughter.

Samson is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: “Samson, sell your business.” He ignores it. It goes on for days. “Samson, sell your business for $3 million.” After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says ‘Samson, go to Las Vegas.” He asks why. “Samson, take the $3 million to Las Vegas.” He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, “Samson , go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand.” He hesitates but knows he must. He’s dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. “Samson, take a card.” What? The dealer has — “Take a card!” He tells the dealer to hit him. Samson gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. “Samson, take another card.” What? “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!” He asks for another card. It’s another ace. He has twenty. “Samson, take another card,” the voice commands. I have twenty! Samson shouts. “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!” booms the voice. Hit me,Samson says. He gets another ace. Twenty one. The booming voice goes: “un-fucking-believable!”

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. “Are you gonna play golf?” he asks “Or are you just gonna fuck around?”

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, “What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob.” All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says “Don’t forget the coffee!”

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